


×melancholic nights×

by marinbel



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Cole's there too, Friends With Benefits, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jay is feeling Some Type of Way™, Kinda, M/M, Vent fic?, also, but no actual sexual content occurs in this fic, but the word is used, idk if this should be T or M, involves some season 6 headcanons of mine I've never mentioned before, it doesn't happen in this fic, sexual content is referenced, shameless fluff with only a tad of angst, sorta - Freeform, they're in love and won't admit it, tw: rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 22:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21186815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marinbel/pseuds/marinbel
Summary: There were sometimes just those nights. Nights that manifested a certain type of feeling Jay realized he could never explicitly put into words per se.Perhaps a fitting word could be melancholic. A little bit sad, a little bit longing, a little bit content. It made sense in his mind. It made so much sense, in fact, his brain would just go, 'ah, yes; it is that sort of feeling,' and then seemingly forget to explain what exactly it was to himself.Alternatively: Jay contemplates his place in the universe and maybe his relationship with Cole too.





	×melancholic nights×

**Author's Note:**

> So this is kind of a vent fic because I've been feeling That Certain Type of Way™ for the past week or so. I've been distant from my Lego children too and I missed them.
> 
> Anyways, I contemplated if I should post this or not for a while so I hope someone likes it heheh.
> 
> WARNING: while it doesn't actually happen in this fic, referenced rape from the past is mentioned once. If that bothers you, please take care and skip this story if you need to.

There were sometimes just  _ those _ nights. Nights that manifested a certain type of feeling Jay realized he could never explicitly put into words per se. 

These types of nights were almost solely bound to the Autumn and winter months of the year. The later in the night, the better. When it was just him and the blinking stars above. And of course his nagging thoughts and memories that somehow became more pronounced in times like this. 

Perhaps a fitting word could be melancholic. A little bit sad, a little bit longing, a little bit content. It made sense in his mind. It made so much sense, in fact, his brain would just go,  _ 'ah, yes; it is  _ that  _ sort of feeling,' _ and then seemingly forget to explain what exactly it was to himself. 

There was a feeling of yearning for something, but never figuring out what he wanted. It battled the feeling that he was comfortable, that he could just sit in the night forever and ever. Time felt like an incomprehensible passage where a minute felt like a thousand years while an hour went by in only a second. 

Each fleeting thought would melt into the next. Nothing ever too coherent or note-worthy. Nothing worth remembering even a minute after his mind moved on. He was restless but at ease all at the same time. 

Such as he was aware he was sitting out on the Bounty's deck, surrounded by a bunch of nothingness in the crisp night air. But even so, he felt as if he could just float off into the cosmos. He's been up there, he remembers somewhere in his mind. Space. He still couldn't fully comprehend that he had been to space, all those years ago. 

God, he was only 16 at that time. So naïve and childish. He had gotten so worked up over the whole issue with Cole and Nya back then. He had been so excited to play out his dreams as Fritz Donegan as he battled the evil nindroids on the rocket. 

How so many things have changed since then. If he felt a little more self loathing tonight he might've even laughed at himself. 

But he let that rest, sapphires staring blankly among the fairly clear sky for a night in mid November. The spare clouds, however, loomed threateningly in the distance.

Jay couldn't decide if the distant glow of Ninjago City hundreds of miles below was more of a comfort or a distraction at the moment. On one hand, it kept him grounded, staying in reality that yes, other people were still existing, living their lives (and probably sleeping) even at this hour. And yet, it also made him feel disconnected, not helping his disassociation at this moment. 

He was tumbling again. But he didn't really feel like reacting to it this time. He could easily fall into his panic as his memories drifted further down the line to when he was once again the possession of Nadakhan. And yes, he really did feel that that wording summed it all up.

Mop the deck, clean the hull, get beaten for our amusement, get raped for refusing to give into his final wish. 

It replayed in his mind all over again. He didn't dare count how many times anymore. He couldn't even bother to cry or shiver either. Because yes, it would always be a deep scar running through his mind and his emotional well-being, but for at least this moment, in this atmosphere... He couldn't find himself to fully care. 

It was like bitter coffee. A bad taste in his mouth with enough of a kick to keep him awake. 

And suddenly one of those wafting thoughts crossed his mind and whispered to him,  _ 'its intimacy; comfortable, consensual intimacy you're craving right now.' _

Ah. And while he was sure nothing could fully satisfy this melancholic feeling, he was sure that had to be at least part of a possible solution. 

For now at least, Jay could decide that yes, intimacy did sound rather nice right now. Soft and safe and warm. He wanted to share those feelings with someone, surely. Lay in bed with them, someone's arms wrapped around him. Wake up together to the soft pitter patter against the window of the spotty showers forecasted for tomorrow. Receive peppers of kisses across his cheeks and shoulders, trailing down his goosebumped arms from the chilly morning. 

Fatal flaw in that desire, however. He'd need some sort of significant other to do those sorts of things with. 

Too bad him and Cole were firmly locked into friends with benefits and neither would ever dare step any further than that. Because yeah, they cared so deeply about each other as best friends. And yeah, sometimes when things got a little too much they resorted to an occasional fuck that was all too quickly becoming a routine fuck. 

But to mix both of those incredibly strong emotions? Good First Spinjitzu Master, no. Bridging the gap between platonic love and sexual lust toed a little too close to admitting romantic feelings that Jay knew both of them were not ready to confront just yet.

Who knew how long Jay had been out there when he's finally stirred by footsteps coming from the entrance of the Bounty. 

Glancing over his shoulder, speak of the devil, Cole was standing there himself. 

"What're you doing up?" Jay finds himself dumbly asking. 

Cole shrugs, leaning against the door frame before responding. "Dunno. Had a gut feeling you were out here."

Jay snorts, turning back out to the vast sky. "And, what? Felt the need to come see me?"

"Well, when I find out you're sitting outside brooding to yourself... Yeah," Cole tells truthfully. 

"I'm not brooding," Jay corrects, almost offended. "Can't a guy just enjoy the stars and the night by himself anymore without an angsty label attached to him?"

"Sure," Cole agrees. "But I know you too well to know that's not the case."

Jay sighs, propping his chin up with his palms. "Damn. But I'm telling you, I'm not brooding."

Cole doesn't respond right away then. Instead he comes to sit beside Jay and together they sit in a comfortable silence before he finds the right words. "A different, mostly negative feeling, then. Let's call it melancholy."

At that Jay perks back up, questioning eyes studying Cole. "And how could you ever possibly know that?"

Cole turns to look at Jay, a warm smile on his face (which most definitely creates butterflies in Jay's stomach which he elects to ignore). "Like I said: I know you too well."

There's a beat where they just let their eyes stay locked before Jay eventually decides it's all a little too much and he diverts his eyes back to the stars that are visible at this distance from the city's light pollution. "Ah, well, there we are then."

Another blanket of silence is laid over them, this time as Cole pulls his eyes away from Jay and up to the sky as well. 

It was peaceful and, well, just so  _ nice _ . And Jay suddenly found himself fighting the urge to reach out and touch Cole. Not even in a sexual sense. He just wanted to hold his hand, rest his head on his shoulder. Relish in the warmth and comfort of another person's body heat, sync their breathing. 

But he would never. He would never cross that line, disturb their cautiously build peace. So he fists his hands and shoves them down, tucking them between his thighs. 

"I..." Jay starts, not so sure of how exactly he actually wants to word this. "I, well, I'm not exactly feeling depressed, if that was what you were wondering. I just - I don't know, feel like sitting here and simply  _ existing _ . Contemplating how utterly insane it is that of all the 16 realms, of all the places in Ninjago, of all the people I could’ve met... It's pretty cool that I'm right here, right now. Sitting on a flying ship - that I made fly, mind you - completely surrounded by an endless nothing of a sky."

Only then finally catching up with himself, Jay feels a hot tingle of embarrassment tickle the back of his neck. "Er, or something," he quickly adds, not daring to look to Cole. "If... If you can understand that feeling, is all."

There's a moment where Jay doesn't breathe until he catches Cole nodding his head out of the corner of his eye. "No, yeah. I think I can understand that. Kind of an out of body but still in body evaluation of yourself in relation to this whole damn big universe. But, y'know, I think... I think everything has to happen for a reason, right?" Jay could tell Cole was going out on a limb of his own now. "And everything in the entire world all lined up for you to be right here, at the same time as I- _ we _ are."

Whether or not Cole wanted Jay to hear that slip up, Jay heard it all the same. He turns his head and partly his shoulders too to face Cole. Because there it was; there was that sweet disposition that Cole seemed to always have when Jay needed it most. 

Which was, in a way, quite funny. Especially considering how he used to be. How he'd say the stupidest thing like  _ "that's just the way the cookie crumbles" _ and get Jay angry enough with him to knock him to the ground. 

But, perhaps, even then Cole was always capable of grounding Jay. Offer him some sort of stability and not let him float too far from Earth. Must be pretty true to their elements, then. Cole with two feet firmly on the ground holding onto Jay to keep him from flittering around in the air, moving rapidly from place to place. 

It was... Almost like a storybook how completely opposite and yet how congruent they were to each other. A perfect match. How funny that was, as after all this time, Cole was never Nya's perfect match, but Jay's. 

A sudden, warm fondness now births in Jay's chest and he can't help but smile too. "Yeah, just like that."

The only sound then becomes their breathing before a soft splatter of early raindrops begin to fall. Cole stands back up, turning to face Jay. "Guess we should head back inside before we get soaked, huh?"

Jay grins at Cole. "Would that really be so bad?"

"When you fall sick with a cold in a few days, yes," Cole teases. Then he extends his hand out to Jay. "Come on, you could come to my room... If you want."

It's a hesitant offer that gets met with Jay's hesitant eyes. And, finally realizing the implications of his words, Cole quickly jumps to clarify. "Not... Not a sex thing. A sleep thing."

And Jay's eyes drop from Cole's face to his inviting hand and how could Jay possibly resist that? So he takes it and let's Cole lead him back inside and down the hall. 

Once in Cole's room, door shut behind them and both buried under the covers, Jay felt that safety he was craving. That intimacy that didn't need to be sexual to feel valid. 

Laying there, facing each other, Jay has to ask. "Why'd you invite me back here?"

To which Cole takes his time to answer. He's studying Jay's face, then slowly he's reaching out to gently brush his bangs out of his eyes. Jay feels his skin tingle with heat where Cole's fingers grace his forehead. "I don't know, you looked like you needed to be with someone tonight. I couldn't imagine you sitting up awake for hours in bed on your own. Would've kept me up too."

Jay feels the swelling urge to lean forward and kiss him for a response like that. But this probably isn't the right time or place for that sort of thing (or maybe it's incredibly perfect, and that scares him enough to prevent him from doing so?) Either way, it speaks volumes that doesn't actually need to be vocalized with how Cole could possibly read Jay enough to know exactly what he needed without even himself fully realizing it. 

So by the time they fall asleep together, Jay had moved past that indescribable melancholic feeling. It's been replaced with a new feeling that he's all too aware of this time, except this one he refuses to acknowledge just yet. 

**Author's Note:**

> Love. It's love, you dumplings.
> 
> Reviews and Kudos are greatly appreciated; makes me feel more confident to post more <3


End file.
